It’s no secret that I’m a crazy cat man. I spend far too much time talking about my lil’ kitty, Wise. But there is something I’ve had to come to terms with, and it’s something that all cat owners will know to be true. It is an undeniable fact that all cats are assholes.
Sure, they can be super cute and adorable at times. Maybe they can actually be quite nice. But deep down, the assholeness is there, waiting to come out and trash your house.
Here are 12 reasons why my cat is an asshole.
1. Because my cat likes to cry at the door at 6am on a weekend
That hour should not exist on a weekend. Does he have no shame?
2. Because I haven’t been to the toilet by myself in 8 years
I just want to go to the toilet in peace. Is that too much to ask?
3. Because my cat keeps trying to trip me up on the stairs
I swear he’s out to get me.
4. Because my cat only wants to be in photos when he isn’t invited
Ever tried taking blog photos when you have a cat? Don’t.
5. Because my cat thinks he owns everything he sits on
Towels. Blankets. The dog’s bed. Parcels. Pieces of paper. If it fits, he will sit.
6. Because my cat likes to run around the house crying after using the litter tray
We already know Satan lives in your bowels. You don’t have to run around screaming to remind us.
7. Because my cat likes to knock things over just to be evil
That’s a nice glass of water you have there. It’d be a shame if something happened to it, wouldn’t it?
8. Because my cat likes to jump over the fence, but then cries when he can’t get back
If you want to leave me like everything else I’ve ever loved, that’s fine. Just don’t cry and expect me to bring you back home.
9. Because my cat pulls washing off the radiator so he can lay there
I’m sorry that my need for dry clothes and underwear is an inconvenience for you.
10. Because my cat is incredibly fussy and only eats specific food
Oh, so you don’t like Whiskas anymore? That’s fine. Don’t worry about it. I’ll just go buy you more food, because I definitely have nothing better to do.
11. Because my cat bullies the dog
The dog is old and three times the size of you. Stop stealing his bed and scaring him.
12. Because I love my cat regardless of him being an asshole, and that makes him an asshole
Why’s your cat an asshole? Let me know in the comments!