Eurovision 2017: the live-blog

Eurovision 2017: the live-blog | Joseph BurrowsIt’s that time again. The most sacred of all evenings has arrived. Grab your sparkly costumes and political voting, because Eurovision 2017 is here. 

Last year I decided to live-blog the euro-pop extravaganza and since everyone enjoyed it so much, I decided to do it again! There will be plenty of alcohol, plenty of #shade, and no doubt some excellent dance routines. 

I’ll be constantly updating the blog so make sure you keep checking back to keep up!

7.45pm: Eurovision 2017 is 15 minutes away. The wine is open(may have already had half a bottle but shh). The Chinese takeaway has been ordered. Bring it on.

7.52pm: Less than 10 minutes to go! I hope tonight is a bit cheesier than last year. Everything felt a lil’ bit too polished last year. Like, if it ain’t EuroTRASH, then it ain’t Eurovision. Am I right?!

7.57pm: EU-RO-VI-SION, EU-RO-VI-SION, EU-RO-VI-SION!!!

8.00pm: IT BEGINS!

8.01pm: I still can’t believe Ukraine won last year, Australia were robbed.

8.03pm: It looks like they’re stepping through glitter flags – surely it’s never this fabulous this early on?!

8.06pm: These contestants are all looking very classy so far. Where are the people in silver costumes and dancing turkeys?

8.09pm: Tonight the theme is diversity. It’s hosted by 3 white men. Sure, Jan.

8.10pm: So these presenters are awful, aren’t they? Give me a song, please.

8.12pm: First up is Israel! No wonder Imri is usually a backing singer… #SHADE

8.15pm: Imri is hoping that pyro and making sex eyes at the camera will save him. He is wrong.

8.16pm: This seems very early in the evening for a dramatic ballad. Violinist is BRINGING it tho.

8.19pm: Poland have gone for James Bond rather than Eurovision. They also had ‘Freedom’ flash up across the screen, because Eurovision.

8.21pm: Too many people think this is the UK’s last year in Eurovision because of Brexit. They probably think that Australia picked up and moved itself, as well.

8.23pm: I don’t even know what country that was but they finished by kissing and I thought they were brother and sister and now I’m concerned. EDIT: It was Belarus. No one cares.

8.25pm: Austria is very Jason Mraz and I LIKE IT.

8.25pm: 4 songs in and I’ve only just realised that it says what country is singing in the corner. Someone take my wine away (not really tho).

8.28pm: Austria are definitely my favourite of the night so far.

8.28pm: So Eurovision 2017 is definitely putting the ‘arm’ in Armenia. I also think they drugged the camera guy.

8.31pm: Our Chinese takeaway isn’t here yet and I’m getting hangry.

8.32pm: The Netherlands are bringing the harmonies but will it be trashy enough? That’s the real question.

8.35pm: Netherlands had some SERIOUS Wilson Phillips vibes. They were too good for Eurovision, to be honest.

8.37pm: Moldova have brought a saxophone. This is promising.

8.39pm: YES MOLDOVA. FANCY FOOTWORK. A FAKE SAXOPHONE. THIS IS EUROVISION.

8.40pm: The Chinese is here. Moldova have dominated the competition. What a time to be alive.

9.23pm: I’m back! Quick update: the Chinese was excellent and I am VERY full. Italy were great. Portugal are tipped to win but I thought the guy was terrible. Australia were great – I’m so happy they moved to Europe. Spain were like an even more terrible version of 5 Seconds of Summer. No one else was memorable or worth mentioning.

9.30pm: It’s time for the UK performance!

9.32pm: That was definitely our best entry for YEARS. Great voice, good stage show. Shame we pissed off all of Europe with Brexit.

9.34pm: Cyprus have basically just ripped off Rag N Bone Man so there’s that.

9.39pm: The duo from Romania are yodeling. This is Eurovision but in a terrible, terrible way.

9.40pm: The Romanian duo had giant cannons on stage, but they didn’t do anything with them. No glitter. No fire. Nothing. Y?

9.41pm: Graham says the song from Germany sounds like Sia so I am EXCITED.

9.42pm: No mind, this is basically just a terrible cover of Titanium. 1/10 would not recommend.

9.45pm: ROCK SONG ROCK SONG ROCK SONG!

9.46pm: It started with devil horns and nose rings. Nevermind.

9.48pm: They look like they’re wearing pillowcases. That’s all I’ve got to say, really.

9.51pm: We’ve still got 4 songs to go. I need more alcohol.

9.51pm: Belgium sounds like when someone makes you do something you really don’t want to do. I bet she has a pageant mum who forced her to do this.

9.54pm: The awful Eurovision 2017 hosts are still here. Not even a costume change can save them from the abyss.

9.55pm: Sweden was a total fuck boi who has obviously seen that OK GO video. Next, please.

10.00pm: Bulgaria is yet to go through puberty. I miss Moldova.

10.01pm: MY LAPTOP IS ABOUT TO DIE AND MY CHARGER STARTED SMOKING. ALERT ALERT.

10.02pm: Farewell, friends. Remember me well. RIP live-blogging Eurovision 2017.

10.03pm: TO TWITTER!

UPDATE: So, what were your thoughts on Eurovision 2017? I actually found the evening a bit dull compared to usual. Most of the songs were just a bit forgettable? Also, how the hell did Portugal win?! Seriously, that guy is a creep and the song sounded like a La La Land reject. Eurovision needs to majorly up its game in 2018 because it’s got some making up to do.

What did you think of Eurovisi0n 2017? Were you a fan? Was it disappointing? How creepy was the guy from Portugal?! Let me know in the comments!


 

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  • I’m kind of a little bit sad about the lack of traditional costumes this year! The mid 2000s for me were the ones with the most Eurovision gold! Bring on 2018 though!

  • I’m a massive Eurovision fan and I actually really liked it this year. Portugal was one of my favourite in a while, it made me cry. It must be a massive marmite song haha. I was super disappointed by Australia this year though, they were so amazing last year!

    • I just love the fact that Australia are part of Eurovision, to be honest haha! I’m glad you enjoyed it this year, bring on Eurovision 2018!

      Joe x

  • Yasmin Rebecca

    Not a fan of Eurovision tbh, but this is bloody hilarious haha. don’t think I’d get through it without a lot of alcohol!

    Y x
    The Sweet Seven Five

    • Glad you enjoyed it, YasmiN! I definitely couldn’t get through it without a drink haha

      Joe x

  • Abigail Huggan

    I didn’t watch it fully, I managed to catch a few acts and then watched the voting. Personally that was the funniest part for me. I was quite sad Croatia didn’t do better than they did because I really loved their act. I don’t really know how Portugal won either, I didn’t see their act but the guy just looked boring. In honesty somebody should have created a drinking game for every time Portugal got 12 points haha. I also couldn’t believe that Azerbaijan did better than us

    Abbie
    overpeachchic.com

    • A Eurovision drinking game sounds LETHAL, but also like an excellent idea!

      Joe x

  • Aimée Julia Cottle

    I love reading your live blogs of Eurovision; even though I don’t watch the show! Haha. It always makes me chuckle; and wonder what I’m missing out on! http://www.aimeeraindropwrites.co.uk

    • Well I’m glad my blog is able to bring you a bit of Eurovision joy!!

      Joe x